All the Reasons People Drive Me Bananas

1. Other people want to do things that are different than what I want to do, thus making me hate them.

2. Often times people expect "conversation" from me at times when I don't want to talk, or have nothing to talk about. This upsets me

3. Other people assume that I will have fun doing the things that they have fun doing. I do this as well, but it bothers me much more in others than it does in myself. 

4. Some other people have rashes and do too much coke. But that's a more personal issue. 

5. People always try to make me "try" sushi that I have already tried, that I already know I don't fucking like. 

6. People don't thank me sufficiently for the christmas cards I so thoughtfully sent them. Screw those people. 

7. Some people make me go to work even when I don't want to and there is nothing to do. Those people are not aware of the fact that I secretly dream of stabbing them in the eye. Just saying.

Thats pretty much all I can think of right now, but is by no means a comprehensive list. There will be more.

Last night i went out to wellesley and stayed in a nest on the floor of a rec room, and now my back hurts and I'm tired. I just spent about 4 days with one of my favorite people in the world and he's driving me out of my mind. I wish I wasn't such a jerk after being around someone for more than 3 or 4 hours. I don't know why I lose the energy to deal with other people so quickly. I ended up not saying a word all day, and smiling tightly through my irritation (at nothing), and eventually saying "I have to go!!!" and leaving and driving home during a rather large snowstorm. And now I'm alone on the boat again and I am so so so glad. And I just wish I had left before I was in a pissy mood. I also don't much like when people visit from far away, I've discovered. Basically, if someone is around all the time, I'm cool, cause I can just see them from time to time and things are great. When someone comes in from out of town, I feel as though it is my obligation to spend as much time with them as possible...which means that I quickly become an irritated bitch. I don't even know why I'm writing this tonight.

White Winter Shitshow

It is 3.22pm and visibility across the harbor is at 0 and falling. Seriously. Its rough out there. I left the boat around 1.30 to run over to Riccardi to see Tiffany, and it had just started snowing. By the time I left, around 2.30, it was full on almost white out conditions, and it took me a little over a half hour to get home - about 2 miles away. 

Then I tiptoed carefully down the dock all the way to the boat, and have gotten in some comfy shorts and legwarmers and a fantastic sweatshirt that has a dinosaur on it and says "See you next tuesday!!!" and have settled in for 24 hours. 24 hours of being marooned on a boat with my sleeping house guest, who had me up until 7am. I have a feeling that as a result of this visit, he is not going to get on EST, I am going to end up on pacific time. It is midafternoon now- he sleeps on, while I am making tasty raviolis and planning to watch the Riches until I run out of episodes, after which I am going to watch regular tv. And maybe color for a bit. I recently found my soft pastels and I want to do a copse of green trees. And if you know me at all, you know i just felt like using the word copse. So there.

Also, I'm kinda into jellyfish

Like this cool electric looking red one

They are kind of alien and otherworldly and have pretty colors

Quick Tidbit

I asked this dude if he needed anything when I went shopping prior to picking him up. He asked for two zz top albums by name and insisted that he had to have them upon arrival. This is my taste in men, people.

Latest News: Fell Down on Dock

Tonight, for the first, but I'm sure not the last time, I fell down on my dock. The good news is I didn't go slip sliding into the harbor, but it was quite the graceful move. It is *very* slippery/frosty in the greater Boston area tonight and I was coming home, went down the ramp, which is metal, and made it okay, but the minute I set foot on the wood, I took a digger straight down on my ass. Like, feet went up, flew for a sec, landed on my ass and my lower back. The good news is I was carrying my laptop on my back, and the semi-cushy laptop bag slightly broke my fall. Luckily this happened a good three feet from the edge of the water, so I didn't fall in. I was then taunted by the friend I was on the phone with, and it has been suggested that I wear a life jacket when walking home going forward. Which I will not do. If I do that, I may as well wear a helmet and shin pads in every day life, as I am accident prone. I have to believe if it is my time to go, its my time to go. 

I am actually rather covered in bruises, which is not unusual for me, being the poised and graceful minx that I am. I walked into the corner of the counter yesterday, and I'm developing a nice hearty black and green and blue and purple mark on my hip. I can also feel one developing on my back from the dock fall. This would not really be an issue if it were not for the fact that an insignificant other is coming to visit me tomorrow and may be curious as to whether or not I'm being beaten. Whatever, if he thinks some other dude is beating me, maybe he'll be jealous. 

So I've done pretty much all a lady can do prior to a visit from a gentleman admirer. I got a wax, I went on a lemonade fast (which I did for 8 days, and then broke, and then had a nice big plate of gnocchi today, thus removing all benefits of said fast), I changed my sheets, I bought new perfume. Basically it goes like this- I'm reasonably young, reasonably thin, I have a job, I'm kinda funny, and I live on a motherfucking boat. If that's not enough, then christ, nothing is. 

Tonight I went christmas shopping and managed to get almost everything I needed in one spot. Granted, maybe they aren't the most thoughtful gifts, but I'm this close to done. I just have to go and pick up a few things for my brother and my cousin, and then its curtains on xmas. ANNND i found the coolest dress ever for my yearly kinda formal christmas eve party. Its fuschia, which is not a color that I generally wear, but it matches my new tattoo, and actually kinda looks good on me. And underneath the see through fuschia part, there are platinum colored sequins. I can't really explain it. I'm surprised I even took it off the rack, but I tried it on and it was rad. Maybe I will post pictures of me in it once I have some. 

So. All I have to do now to prepare is to go to work tomorrow, then go grocery shopping, do a tiny bit of dusting & vacuuming, shave my legs, figure out something to wear, paint my nails, purchase some booze for him, and then go pick up the douchebag at the airport tomorrow night. Its funny cause I haven't let anyone stay with me in about 2 years and now I'm freaking out a bit thinking that I am not going to be able to deal in a cooped up space with another person for more than 3 hours without going batshit crazy. More or less I hate him now and don't want him to come. I'm a woman of many contradictions. 

Blah blah blah blah. I'm done now. 

Kicking off the Xmas Season

Happy Happy Holidays to all! I found this picture a while ago and assume that it is photoshopped, but seriously, its hysterical either way. Crazy wolf santa!!! 

I'm so behind in shopping its ridiculous. I drove all the way to NH this weekend to shop tax free, and was freaked out by the mall and all the people, bought a set of dragon bookends for my aunt who is all into dragons, and then booked it. I am now on a campaign to make things for people, but fine motor skills + rocking boats = ugly sloppy art projects. I think I'm going to just give out random lap dances for christmas. Its all in the spirit of giving, people. 

In other news, when I came home tonight my boat was locked, and I didn't lock it this morning. So. That leads me to believe that the boatlord was here, without any notice, which is kinda sort of against MA tenancy law, unless there was an emergency. I just want this guy to be slightly normal and on the up and up. But then again, since he consented to renting this boat to me without any references of any kind, and without a credit check, and without a security deposit, I suppose I can't bitch too much. 

I'm thinking of melting some cheese on some triscuits. I'll let you guys know how it goes.

Speaking of food, christ, I love food. I ended my fast today- 8 days straight of nothing but lemonade, seriously. I've had lots of people tell me that my skin is glowing, I lost about 12 pounds, i felt really light and clean and good (until I ate) and I sleep way better than i have in years. That said, it was one of the stupidest ideas I've ever had, it was really really boring and irritating and I hated everyone (and made a point to tell them so, and also elaborate on why) and generally was kind of in a pissy daze for 8 days. I don't think I'll ever do it again. I am happy, based on my stubborn and prideful nature, that I was able to do it at all, and now, been there, done that. Its over. 

My best friend is driving cross country right now and I've asked her to pick me up beef jerky from every state that she visits, and she let me know today that she's grabbed me a few packs already, and is now entering texas (and I assume a myriad of jerky options). I'm so excited. I am going to eat dried lean beef for fucking weeks. You watch me. 

Bad Indie Movies That I'm In, Part 1

This will actually only be a one part series, as I am only in one bad indie movie.

Its a short film, you can watch it here http://tinyurl.com/5omga2 

Feel free to ignore part one, which I'm not in. It doesn't really lend anything to the plot anyway. There isn't so much a "plot" as it were. 

Bitch I'm paid, that's all I gotta say.

I'm banging your wife!

No not really!!!! I'm just laughing as i look over my potential xmas cards. They are really these postcards from this book called "Breaking Bad News with Baby Animals" The "i'm banging your wife" one has a picture of a little baby pig on it looking ashamed. Its fantastic. There are many more and now I just need to get up the motivation to write them out and mail them to all my friends. I'm very much looking forward to it.

Other things I'm doing today- watching an expose on trannies, engraving a mirror (which is hard as hell on a boat- this is not the place for fine motor function) and getting ready to go get Ashley to visit and see the boat. In fact I should be leaving right this minute to go get her, but I want to quickly finish this up.

Other things I need to do today: Put away my masses of clothes all over the floor, find a place to put everything, throw away trash, and other boring stuff. 

Other new developments: there was an electrical fire on the dock the other night because my shady boatlord connected a 30 amp cable to a 50 amp slot, and it melted and produced a live wire (which he instructed me to pick up- I suspect he may actually be out to murder me- I declined) and it started a little fire on the dock. When I told him about it, I also mentioned that the rain seemed to have put it out, and his response was "Well, it should be okay then, because its supposed to rain all night" He is such a ridiculous person it makes me laugh. I can't even be mad. 

Also, day 5 of lemonade cleanse. I'm feeling a-ok. Going until tuesday I think. It does limit my social interactions. People are always going out to eat, which I cannot do.

Additionally, hulu has the first two seasons of the Riches for free and I'm obsessed. Its fantastic. I love hulu. I love being lazy and watching tv. Seriously, I haven't really watched any tv in about 2 years (not cause I'm one of those 'I only watch Nova on PBS' assholes, there is a long and stupid story behind it, I swear) and I have to say I adore tv. We will never be parted again.

That's all I have for now. Gotta go back on land. 

xoxoxox - CG

Hello people. 

I'm on the second full day of my lemonade fast and I don't know what's going on here, but I actually feel pretty terrific. Execptionally calm, not especially hungry, in a reasonably good mood, a little ethereal. Plus I lost 3 pounds, yo. That's about all that warrants in the way of discussion, except that squeezing lemons all the time suuucks. 

I left work early today for the first time in forever, and just kinda snuck out around quarter to 5. I told one of my co-workers that I had an appointment in case my boss (a very picky, though brilliant, svp who takes being in the office verrrrrry seriously) came by looking for me. Well, even though he has not set foot in our department in maybe two weeks, of course tonight was the night he came by and threw an impromptu staff meeting. To tell everyone that he's hired a new VP to manage all of us, so essentially I've just gotten a demotion. Awesome! I hate new bosses. 

It is super warm in boston tonight, at least for us, and I've taken this opportunity to wear the "hanging around the boat" outfit that I've had in my head for a bit. Jammy shorts, tank top, legwarmers. Its such a ridiculous outfit, and I find myself walking around and catching sight of myself in the mirror and posing and making faces at myself while admiring my tattoo. I can have so much fun alone it might not be right. 

I thought I had so much to say, but I guess I don't really. I rented the first 2 discs of the Tudors because I have a deeply girly fascination with kings and princes and princesses and jewels (!) lately, and i want to hang out alone in my fun rollerskating outfit and smoke cigarettes and drink lemonade and play make pretend about royalty. Its shaping up to be a super terrific night. 

also:

Song I had in my head today: Ghettoblaster

I'm thinking blah bah blah blah blah to your trip...

Cause I must have a door in the back of my, in the back of my head.

I have the Dandy Warhols in my head, which is better than some of the other things I've recently gotten in my head such as:

1. The Devil Went Down to Georgia (this happened while I was trying to take a nap...not so much)

2. Rhythm is a Dancer (happens I think when my brain is trying to sabotage me)

Well, I guess just those two are the really bad ones. I have good songs in my head sometimes too, which I tend to hum or sing aloud at work, half on purpose, just to see if I can bug people. 

Bugging people at work in such a way that I can't really get in trouble/fired for it is one of my favorite hobbies. 

Today it was COLD AS FUCK. And I can't really quantify how cold that is, but it sucks. I woke up and it was about 14 degrees outside. It continues to be really cold, but tomorrow night its supposed to get much warmer and rainy. I'm fine with that. Warm and rainy is way better than sunny and freezing so far as I'm concerned.

I'm going on a lemonade fast. I'm starting in the morning. I'm going to aim for 5 days but I'll be psyched if I get through 24 hours without buying a pizza. I find that I can be really happy with me and my life as long as I lower my standards and am very forgiving. So. I will blog about it if it actually sticks. The main issue I'm going to have with all this I think is the actual lemonade making. Seriously? Squeezing like 10 whole lemons a day? That's a pain in the tail, plus I have hangnails and papercuts all over my hands for some reason, and it hurts. However, I'm told that my skin, hair, and nails will all be very happy with this fast, and I'll feel all fresh and brand new like a sweet little baby. And for the love of christ, lets face it, I'm a chick and its the holidays and i'd give my sweet ass for a light touch of anorexia. I'd buy tapeworms from you if you had them. So. We'll see what the hell happens with all of this. 

Magic Surprise Tattoos & the First Snow

Today I was supposed to be unpacking and staying home and being good and resting so how did I end up with a tattoo about 8 inches in diameter on my shoulder instead? That's a very good question, but not one I'm prepared to answer right now. I'm tired and its just cause, people, that's really all I can say.

Its a peony- one that will be part of a pair the next time I'm feeling bored and masochistic and decide to go back and get the other one done. This one took four and a half hours (and I got it for a paltry 200 bucks- from a guy who has won awards and is in magazines and shit...super deal) and I don't think I have the same sort of pain tolerance I did when I was younger. I remember going for tattoos when I was like 19 and sure, nothing, no problem. Even when I got the whole TOP OF MY FOOT done about 6 years ago, I recall that it was pretty much cake. Now I'm a big pussy. I kept it together and didn't complain but fuck it huuuuuurt. Collar bones are super sensitive, who knew, and although this doesn't go straight over the collar bone the leaves are pretty close to the bone itself and made me want to whine. I kept my mouth shut though, and as a result have a big nice tat now. No matter that I feel like someone spread napalm on my shoulder and set it ablaze right now, that'll go away.

In other news, the boat is a cool 58 degrees inside right now. The heaters have worked fine up until now, but it is a super frigid cold night tonight, which causes problems, and additionally there is a fierce wind, which is the biggest problem. This bitch is certainly not completely airtight, and when the wind comes whipping through, it gets chilly. I am combating the chill by drinking hot spiced apple cider (mmmm) and hanging out under a lot of blankets. Basically, this place needs better heaters, and this boatlord is going to pay for them whether or not he knows about it. Again checking MA tenancy laws and he is required to keep the heat between 64 and 78 degrees between October and May. So. He's getting a friendly call from me tomorrow about the necessity for some radiant tower heaters, that I will be happy to purchase and deduct from my rent.

Sadly enough right now, the warmth from my laptop on my lap is pleasant and I don't want to move it. 

Water...I need water

The good news is that the water is back. And, in the meantime, I learned a little something about Massachusetts housing law. It seems as though I have an inalienable right to water, and also to heat. The heat situation is a bit hairy right now. I am going to pick up a giant radiant heating tower today and I'm planning to deduct that shit from my rent, and keep it on 24 hours a day. Once that's taken care of, I should be reasonably a-ok. 

Last night at 3am Portland called me, woke me up, immediately launched into singing some ZZ Top, and then hung up or was disconnected - either is feasible. I attempted to call him back to no avail. This is the love of my life, y'all. 

Also talked for a bit this morning with my bud KK who has been MIA for a while. Apparently she was out shooting dope again, but has stopped again, this time for around 5 weeks. She's taking suboxone which I have mixed feelings about. Drug replacement therapy is still drugs and far be it for me to give anyone shit for anything, but I think that if you're taking something that's gonna make you dopesick if you stop, there may still be an issue going. Worries me a bit, but truly, what the hell do I know.

I've been up for about 3 hours now, which means its time to take a nap.

Taking an even deeper dive into narcissism

I figured it would be fascinating (to me at least) to document my time on this ship, and so on and so forth. So. That's the introduction.

It is 11.54 pm EST and I'm on the boat and there is no water. There has been some dude named Patrick from Quincy here daily renovating the bathroom (which was supposed to have been done before I moved in, should have been a tip off) and i think that he messed up the water lines. The landlord, nee boatlord, claims otherwise, but i am beginning to think he's a charlatan. In any case, I came home around 8 to find the water off. This is not a major catastrophe except that I can't flush the toilet, which is not so fun. Also, I feel as though I'm being mocked by billions and billions of cubic tons of water surrounding me. Water water everywhere and not a drop to flush the toilet with.

Other than that, things have been reasonably good. Tiffany came over after work and we were able to get delivery on the boat. Then we mooned like girls for a while. Then we decided to go up to NH on sunday to tattoo. I'm starting a new piece - capping both of my shoulders. Luckily she knows this dude from forever and he is going to do it for next to nothing. It is a good thing, having friends.

Planning to watch a movie. My choices include an old Mickey Rourke movie, a kung fu movie, and something in french that's about this dude who sells his baby but then has to go and get it cause his girlfriend is pissed.